Just Desserts
by A.F. WolfSlinx
Summary: After copious amounts of torture, maiming, and killing, karma finally comes back to bite the Malfoy line in the arse. Crackfic, AU, background slash. Or something like that.


**Just Desserts**

After copious amounts of torture, maiming, and killing, karma finally comes back to bite the Malfoy line in the arse. Crackfic, AU, background slash. Probably.

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter the ending would have been much less well written but considerably less crappy.

The Malfoy family was well known for being dark and it had become almost a custom for the firstborn to be given away to the service of a dark lord. When Lucius's first child was born, he could see his child's future clearly before him. Draco would grow with an elegance and cunning befitting of the Malfoy name, serve loyally at Lord Voldemort's right hand, and one day marry someone (a pureblooded, naturally) of good standing that would bear him children and thus continue the Malfoy name.

The reality of the situation was much, much different.

Draco had grown well, spoiled rotten, though it was no less than he deserved with a bloodline like his. Hogwarts was probably where everything had started to go slightly pear-shaped. His meetings with the Boy-Who-Lived, the so called Hero of the Wizarding World had done absolutely nothing for his decorum; if anything it had made him more volatile and prone to fits of temper when he didn't get his way. By the time his Lord had obtained a new body Draco's hatred of the Potter brat had grown to the extent that it became something that he and Lord Voldemort had _bonded_ over. In there spare time they could be found plotting Potter's demise, demented laughter from whatever darkened corner they decided was worthy of their attention. Looking back, that alone should be warning enough.

However, when the Dark Lord had finally killed the Potter brat, after the pretentious little moron had thought that he had found all of the horcruxes (of course the Dark Lord would have decoys) he had promptly turned around and asked the younger Malfoy for his hand in marriage.

It was, of course a perfectly Slytherin thing to do. When you were planning on living forever, as Voldemort quiet obviously was, you didn't need to worry about such things as heirs. Instead you'd marry purely for political convenience, and who was more convenient for the Dark Lord than Draco? After all, the Malfoy name was nothing short of fearsome nowadays and well, the Dark Lord, _got along _with Draco. That itself was practically unheard of. There was also the little that damned delighted little smile that Draco had graced the Dark Lord with before blushing madly, the little smile that said that this might actually be a good match for both of them.

Narcissa had, of course, taken it very well. Too well. She had been a happy little hurricane of 'our family's rise in position' coupled with 'the amazing powers of true love'. In fact, Lucius hadn't known better he would have thought that she had been expecting this to happen. He knew that couldn't be right because though she had many talents foresight was not among them. Planning, however, was and within a few hours she and Bellatrix had to been giggling like school children whilst sharing their visions of the perfect wedding. As insane as Bella may be she deemed the marriage as a sort of vicarious win on her part considering that she was related to the... bride. Or rather that was what he had managed to extract from her ramblings of " Mine very own, nephew! The Dark Lord! How romantic!"

Lucius tried not to think of it too often, he had enough on his plate.

He prepared himself for some very uncomfortable situations.

"My Lord?" he had asked, docilely, when he had found Voldemort had looking unusually calm. He thought maybe that had something to do with Draco and repressed his shudders.

"Lucius, it would please me for you to call me Voldemort. We will soon be family, after all." The Dark Lord replied with a smirk.

Lucius nodded in acquisition, repressing more shudders. The name had rather negative associations, but he would do as his Lord commanded of him. It wouldn't do to slip up this late in the game.

"As you wish, Lord Voldemort. I had been meaning to speak you on that."

"Has Narcissa been having problems with wedding arrangements again? I told her to come to me directly if she needed my input." The Dark Lord muttered angrily.

Heaven forbid the current leader of the Wizarding world put capturing the last dregs of the resistance and consolidating his power on the top of his to do list.

"Actually, milord-"

"I do hope she's not trying to bother me with honeymoon plans again. I said that I would have to discuss that with Draco intensively first and that it wouldn't be a-"

The mental image of his only son and the Dark Lord on their honeymoon was enough to get him to blurt out what he'd been meaning to say.

"I know that I probably shouldn't be saying this milord, are you sure that this is the best option? Not that I'm doubting you most excellent judgement, but Draco is rather young and accustomed to getting whatever he wishes and he will not be able to continue your mighty lineage. I fear the stigma associated with such a partnership may be detrimental to your regime. You've never shown such inclinations before and many would be much more willing and perhaps, _more suitable_, to such a union," Lucius said quickly.

It was a testament to how infatuated the Dark Lord was that he only responded to the parts concerning Draco.

"Lucius," he hissed, "Are you saying that I am _unsuited _to Draco? That I, Master of the Wizarding World would be unable to _provide_ for the son of my most trusted servant?" Being on the other end of the Dark Lord's wand was not a new experience for Lucius, but he had never had such a murderous rage directed at him before. He had not survived this long by being blatantly stupid and there would obviously be no help from this quarter.

He bowed his head. "My apologies, my lord, I was not questioning your suitability in any way. I fear it is simply seeing my only son married was simply leading to an attack of nerves. I did not mean to trouble you with such trivialities."

Voldemort seemed to calm and at that moment it occurred to him that his Lord did in fact have a weakness, and that weakness was his only son.

"I will excuse you Lucius, this once. You must not worry over such things. The honour of this marriage will be equally beneficial to both parties." Then Voldemort seemed to soften and Lucius began to think that perhaps no matter how cunning he was there was actually no hope.

"And do try to remember to call me Voldemort." And the Dark Lord's smile, almost guileless, echoed the statement.

There was no hope.

**Omake**

When the Dark Lord had proposed to Draco, Lucius had been shocked. He had not known the Dark Lord leaned that way, or in any other particular direction. He had felt a strange sense of foreboding right before Draco made a disgusted face and had met his Lords request with a resounding no.

Voldemort had looked shocked for a second- he _really_ wasn't used to being denied- before casting a casual _Avada Kedava _at the young Malfoy.

"No!" screamed Lucius, "I don't want to have more babies with Narcissa! Take me my Lord!"

* * *

><p><strong>End Note<strong>

Okay, wow. I didn't think that I would never get around to it. First story, no beta. This was really supposed to be a one-shot but it's starting to feel like it might be a two-shot. Or it might mutate into some completely convoluted, many-chaptered story. Feel free to bring some joy into my light-less world with some reviews.

Flames are not an acceptable source of light.


End file.
